The Scorpion King...er, Queen...

Guess what excitement we had last week? Can you guess by the title of this blog post??

Yep, that's right. Olivia got stung by a scorpion last Thursday.

We had had dinner at home (chicken piccata with pasta, which I thought was tasty but Olivia and Pat poo-pooed. Even in the midst of a nationwide food supply shortage, they still manage to tell me they hate my cooking), and had leftovers so we decided to take some to a neighbor and leave it on her porch. Since she only lives two blocks away, we decided to walk. We were on our way back, about 3 houses away from home, when Olivia started screaming:

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH! I've been stung by a scorpion!"

Fucking a.

Pat scooped her up and I ran back to the house to find some Benadryl. We iced her big toe (she had been wearing flip flops when we were walking and that's where she got stung) and Pat applied some of the Benadryl cream while I grabbed a black light to look for the little bugger. "It was so big Mama!" After searching the path we had walked on for a few minutes, I found the little f*cker. And it was a bigger than average one. I knew Pat would want to see it so instead of squashing it I went back to the house and called poison control while he went out to look for it.

Fortunately, poison control calmed me down - 30 minutes had passed, and her breathing was fine, so they assured me she wasn't having an allergic reaction. They informed me that she could have pain anywhere on her body since scorpion venom can jump neural pathways - as in, Olivia got stung on her right big toe, but an hour later she might have intense pain in her left shoulder. Weird, right? They also said not to ice it. Oops. They suggested using a cold pop can instead to kind of cool it down. As I'm hanging up with poison control, my husband walks back in and loudly declares, "I didn't see a scorpion. I don't think she got stung."

Um...what? Our child shrieked and started screaming uncontrollably all of a sudden, I went back and told you I saw a scorpion in the EXACT LOCATION where Olivia freaked out, and you're not going to believe either of us because you personally couldn't find the bug?

To say I was irritated by this assertion would be an understatement.

I mean, none of us can physically see this virus that's wreaking havoc on our nation right now, but we (most of us anyway) believe it exists, amiright?? Obviously I chose to ignore my husband's erroneous opinion and slept with Olivia that night to make sure she was ok. She slept like a champ and when poison control called to follow up the next morning they said the tingliness that she still felt in her toe would go away by mid-afternoon, and it did. I'm glad we know now that our kid isn't allergic to scorpion stings, but here's a PSA to all the bugs out there: If y'all could just chill for a bit until this pandemic is over that would be swell. Not trying to add any extra drama to our lives right now. Thanks a bunch.

I hope everyone reading this is staying bug bite-free! 

BK

Hello! It's been a few days since I've posted, mostly because I've had internet & computer issues. The Gateway computer that I bought from Target for barely $300 six years ago seems to not connect to the internet more than it does connect these days...shocker, right?? 

Over here on Lindl Dr we've been obedient U.S. citizens and have not gone anywhere other than Burger King this week. And man, let me tell you how excited Olivia and I were to go to BK yesterday! Mind you, our local BK is approximately 1/10 of a mile from our house. We could walk there. However, since only the drive thru is open, we drove. You would have thought it was both of our last meals based on how much we talked about our lunch yesterday morning:

9:15 am: "Mom! Is it time to go to Burger King yet?!?"

9:52 am: "Mom, I'm getting hungry...is Burger King open yet?"

10:37 am: "Mom, I'm SO excited to leave the house and go to Burger King!"

...and on and on and on until we finally went. Olivia and I split a Whopper and french fries and chicken fries. It was glorious. It was a big deal to have to put on shoes (um, and maybe a bra for one of us...) to leave the house. So far my 8 YO has dealt with not getting to leave the house pretty well, though. I've let her FaceTime friends, and we've used Zoom for guitar lessons, dance class and with her classroom teacher, so I think that's been helping. These elementary kids are going to be Zoom experts by the end of this quarantine, because as one kid in her class said today, very dryly, "This is like my 4th Zoom meeting today..." Ha! Sounds like he's ready for corporate America!

Today is Thursday...I think? The days really are blending together. Plans for the rest of the week include half-hearted attempts at teaching my child (I decided we are going to study a different musician every day - today is Stevie Wonder, Friday might be Tupac...ha), catching up on The Masked Singer, & weeding my front yard. What are the items you plan on crossing off your quarantine To Do list this week?

Scott 1000

Happy Friday, y'all! Everyone have an enlightened day at home where we used this free time to better ourselves by doing workout videos, reading self-improvement books, & teaching spelling and math lessons to our darling children? Yeah me neither.

I did manage to accomplish a few things: cleaned a dirty glass shower door, dusted my stair railings (with - gasp! - Olivia's help...she actually did it without complaining), & cleaned up dog droppings in the backyard. We did leave the house to drive to the library to attempt to return overdue books but even the drop-off box was closed, but bonus for me - no late fees this month! Yay! (Note: the very first time I borrowed books from our local library I incurred $9 in late fees. And that was only for like 4 books. Returning things on time is not my one of my best attributes.)

One positive thing that happened today is that I realized I have a new favorite household product that I wanted to tell you all about. It actually used to be a product I hated but in our current state of affairs, it has now become one of my faves. Any guesses as to what it is?

Scott 1000 single-ply toilet paper.

One of my weaknesses when shopping (which I love to do; see previous posts) is a BOGO deal. Or, as Target cleverly does, a "Buy 2-4 products of a certain brand, get a $5-$10 gift card to Target FREE!" deal. I fall for this EVERY TIME. Me: "Well, I certainly will always use Kleenex/toilet paper/laundry detergent/candles/insert any other item...and they'll never go bad...so yeah, I might as well buy 17 of them now so I can get a measly $5 gift card that I will later forget I have! I am so smart!" So naturally when I saw this very same deal on Scott 1000 toilet paper several months ago I had to take advantage. I threw 2 packs of 15 rolls into my cart (without really reading anything else on the package) and went along my merry way.

Fast forward a couple of weeks to when we started actually using it. Daughter: "Mom! This toilet paper is crappy!" (pun intended...she's got a good sense of humor) Husband: "This is the cheapest toilet paper ever known to mankind. Please don't ever buy it again." Yes, folks, it is single ply. And there are 1000 squares of it on every roll. You know what that means? It lasts FOREVER.

A month ago my in laws came to visit, and while I put the "good" Cottonelle TP in their guest bathroom, I had to put the Scott 1000 in the only bathroom we have on our main level. This toilet paper is so thin that I actually apologized for it to them. "I'm so sorry for the TP downstairs guys...it is the WORST! I bought it because it was on sale, but never again!"

I'm pretty sure that wherever you are while you're reading this right now there is a toilet paper shortage. I still have almost a full pack of my Scott 1000, plus a small bundle of another brand...and I kind of feel like I've won the lottery. Yes, we are going to be in our home more than usual for the next several weeks/months/please-God-not-years, but I still think that even if we can't find any toilet paper in the stores for a while (and Pat decides it's not worth risking getting fired to "borrow" some from Frito-Lay), we'll be ok. Because I swear this stuff multiplies overnight.

So Scott 1000 officially has my business now even after the hoarders stop buying out every single roll of TP and I have my pick of softer stuff. My SIL texted me when the TP shortage first began and said, "I bet you're glad you have that cheap toilet paper now!" Yes. Yes I am.

I'm baaaaack!

Once upon a time, in 2014, my family and I went on a road trip. Two adults, 1 toddler, and 2 middle-aged canines embarked on an adventure in a tin can on wheels to visit family in Wyoming and Montana and check off some "must see" tourist spots along the way (Mount Rushmore, Devil's Tower, etc.). Lots of windshield time = a bored Steph, so I decided to blog about our trip. Funny things happened and I wrote about them. People told me they liked reading it, or so they said.

Fast forward to 2020, when, as I overheard someone say the other day, "we were supposed to have flying cars right now...instead we're teaching people how to wash their hands." Now, lots of time at home = a bored Steph, so what does that mean? I'm bringing back the blog!

I named this blog "Steph's Road Trip Revue" 6 years ago. I'm going to leave the title as that. Oh, the irony...

This coronavirus pandemic is like nothing any living human being has experienced before. You know the saying, "if only there were more hours in the day?" Well, that's basically what we all just got. A lot more time. I'm trying to look at this self quarantine situation positively. Even if you are working from home, at least your commute time has been cut to zero, hence more time in the day for other things. I know boredom has already begun to set in for most people, so I hope that reading my blog posts makes you laugh or breaks up your day for even just a few minutes. I know I need a break from listening to my kid talk endlessly about Minecraft bs that I don't care about and I bet you do too.

So check back here daily to read about my family's latest shenanigans and how we're dealing with being holed up in our house for the foreseeable future. Oh, and for those of you with kids...there WILL be cursing in the blog. You have been warned.